Ze funk, I has it. I broke things off with aforementioned nice guy. Not a thing wrong with him, just couldn't deny that he was not the one for me so I had to let him go. I've stayed up until at least 3am the past two nights because I'm having trouble sleeping. I barely got out of my chair all day yesterday. I feel sad, unmotivated, inept, helpless. I'm about to spend $40 trading my corn snake for two ball pythons, which is a financially smart move because as a rule balls sell for $50+ easily a piece, but I'm still spending money without a job. I'm barely eating and when I do it's stupid food choices like chips, boxed macaroni and cheese, or breadsticks.
Considering that I'm eating junk food, drinking lots of soda, haven't taken my happy pills consistently in a long time, haven't had a good sleep schedule, stopped working out... well, those are all choices I have made that are not helping me out. I could blame it on the fact that my parents aren't living together, that I can't find a job, that I haven't been able to move out like I want, that the holidays are stressful... but life isn't about making our circumstances conform to our whim. It's about taking what we're dealt and making good choices that make us healthy and happy, build up relationships, bring us closer to God, and set ourselves up for success. I've not been doing a good job of that right now. Some choices I made are really good. But I need to do better.
Lets end the year 2010 with a week of taking really awesome care of ourselves. We all have reasons that we don't take care of ourselves... for just one week let's risk it, yeah? If all our excuses were valid, well then this week will prove it. But maybe, just maybe, our excuses are just excuses and our lives would be 300% better if we just took better care of ourselves. Ya think?
So instead of a New Year's Resolution, I'm making an End of Year Resolution. A year is too long to plan... but five days I can handle! So here's the plan.
- Work out three times
- Get some outdoor time every day
- Buy a ledger or something that helps me budget and write everything down
- Keep applying for jobs until I find a good one
- Take my happy pills every day
- Go see the therapist on Wednesday and do everything she recommends
- Stay connected with friends, and not just my online ones [though I love you all very much]
- Eat healthy food three times a day
- Drink lots of water, maximum of one soda a day!
Alright. I'm off to go do positive things in my life. Toodles!
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Monday, December 27
Tuesday, December 7
Numa Numa!
To counter the potential negative vibes of this post, I would like to start with the following awesome video.
If you haven't watched it, stop reading and go watch it.
If you didn't smile you may be dead.
Alright. My life is semi-crazy right now, yet at the same time I'm frustrated because not enough is happening. Figure that one out... I guess maybe I'm tired of the craziness of this particular phase of life and want to move on to the next, supposedly calmer phase? Right now I'm trying to get (a) job(s). Substitute teaching will be one, but it's possible that I won't have that licensure until another three months! So in the mean time, I need lots of something. Called like twelve classy restaurants, applied to half a dozen places online. Scored an interview for an occasional babysitting job and one for a housekeeping job. Between the two, maybe... $75/mo? :-P Ideally I'd like to move out soon, so I'm going to need a bit more than that.
So, the other thing I've been doing is checking out potential housing. Seems fairly cheap, until you add utilities. And take out taxes from your paycheck. And my friend tells me you should get renter's insurance? Oh and several hundred $$$ to take the dogs with me. And a deposit! So. Yeah. If any of you rent, how easy or difficult have you found it to be, to make ends meet?
I'm having drama problems with the guy I've been dating. :( His ex talked to someone that talked to an adult friend of mine who I'm very close to, and basically these people weren't very fond of him. Well, we all know his ex not very reliable. I personally would not want any of my guy friends involved with her. So, I don't trust her word. Plus she's his ex!! However, I guess these were concerns raised during the actual relationship, and they were anger related. Coming from a home where that has sometimes been an issue, I'm freaked out about possibly getting into a bad relationship. Once you're in, it's harder to see what's really going on, and it's hard to get back out. Do I think he'd hurt me? No. Do I think it could be an unhealthy relationship? ... I don't know? The things I've seen don't indicate that. But the two things I have to go off of are my own observations over like three weeks, and the word of his scoundrel of an ex, passed through two more people. Yet, the sorts of things they said.. if I knew they were true, I wouldn't even consider this relationship. So I feel super conflicted. Don't know what to think, you know?
I like a lot of things about him and we click really well. So.... for now I think my plan is to get to know him better, keep it pretty casual, let time work its magic.
I hate gossip.
If you haven't watched it, stop reading and go watch it.
If you didn't smile you may be dead.
Alright. My life is semi-crazy right now, yet at the same time I'm frustrated because not enough is happening. Figure that one out... I guess maybe I'm tired of the craziness of this particular phase of life and want to move on to the next, supposedly calmer phase? Right now I'm trying to get (a) job(s). Substitute teaching will be one, but it's possible that I won't have that licensure until another three months! So in the mean time, I need lots of something. Called like twelve classy restaurants, applied to half a dozen places online. Scored an interview for an occasional babysitting job and one for a housekeeping job. Between the two, maybe... $75/mo? :-P Ideally I'd like to move out soon, so I'm going to need a bit more than that.
So, the other thing I've been doing is checking out potential housing. Seems fairly cheap, until you add utilities. And take out taxes from your paycheck. And my friend tells me you should get renter's insurance? Oh and several hundred $$$ to take the dogs with me. And a deposit! So. Yeah. If any of you rent, how easy or difficult have you found it to be, to make ends meet?
I'm having drama problems with the guy I've been dating. :( His ex talked to someone that talked to an adult friend of mine who I'm very close to, and basically these people weren't very fond of him. Well, we all know his ex not very reliable. I personally would not want any of my guy friends involved with her. So, I don't trust her word. Plus she's his ex!! However, I guess these were concerns raised during the actual relationship, and they were anger related. Coming from a home where that has sometimes been an issue, I'm freaked out about possibly getting into a bad relationship. Once you're in, it's harder to see what's really going on, and it's hard to get back out. Do I think he'd hurt me? No. Do I think it could be an unhealthy relationship? ... I don't know? The things I've seen don't indicate that. But the two things I have to go off of are my own observations over like three weeks, and the word of his scoundrel of an ex, passed through two more people. Yet, the sorts of things they said.. if I knew they were true, I wouldn't even consider this relationship. So I feel super conflicted. Don't know what to think, you know?
I like a lot of things about him and we click really well. So.... for now I think my plan is to get to know him better, keep it pretty casual, let time work its magic.
I hate gossip.
Tuesday, November 30
Of Relationships and Complications
I'm at that interesting place right now where I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks. We are not "official", but I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend once I get back in state later this week. I think I will say yes.
I haven't been in a relationship for a year, and that relationship was my first one. Only one boyfriend, at 22? Yes, true story. You see, I'm a little bit picky. I didn't start dating until I was in college because until then I didn't feel ready. In high school, no one even knows who they are, much less what sort of person they would be happy with. And I don't date people because it's fun or feels good at the moment, I date someone because I'm serious about them and seeing where we could end up together.
So here I am, on the brink of getting into my second-ever relationship. How did I meet this young man? Well... online. And no, not through a blog because he or I was such an amazing writer. Through a dating site. I wouldn't call myself desperate, but I sat back and realized that I am out of college and diving into my career as an elementary teacher. From here on out, 98% of the people I meet will be younger than 12 or older than 45. Not exactly my ideal age range. Anyway, I met him online. We talked for several weeks first through e-mails. I was going through a lot of family drama and desperately needed someone to talk to, so he came into my life at a particularly wonderful time. I found his e-mails to be comforting and caring, sensitive to how I was feeling and encouraging through the tough spots. We also just talked about ourselves and each other, our hopes and dreams, our hobbies.
Eventually, we decided to go out. He took me out to sushi... yum. We watched a movie together. I don't think he touched me at all that first date. On the second date, we sat near each other on the couch during the movie, and when we talked afterwards I leaned against his shoulder. This was a far cry from one of the other guys I went out with who by the second date was dry humping me and not taking no for an answer. This date was different. His respect for me as a person and for my boundaries was heart warming, and though I knew anybody could put on a show and try to seem respectful by just waiting a few dates, I knew in my heart he was sincerely a great guy.
Now we've talked about everyone under the sun, and I'm starting to fall for him. I actually feel like this one might stick around. I'm afraid though. Is everyone afraid at the beginning? Afraid that he won't be who I hope he is, that he'll take whatever I give him in run, that he'll tire of me and my high standards and sexual boundaries, that we won't line up spiritually. Part of me... okay, a big part of me... wants to just throw caution to the wind and jump in, don't worry, don't look back, see where things can go. Part of me says things won't work out because they never do and I shouldn't get too excited.
As always, I choose to look forward with anticipation instead of backwards with fear or regret. Right now, I believe I'm dating a great guy that could make me really happy. Right now, I choose to accept that and accept him and willingly explore everything the future can hold for us. Right now, I will live in the moment.
I haven't been in a relationship for a year, and that relationship was my first one. Only one boyfriend, at 22? Yes, true story. You see, I'm a little bit picky. I didn't start dating until I was in college because until then I didn't feel ready. In high school, no one even knows who they are, much less what sort of person they would be happy with. And I don't date people because it's fun or feels good at the moment, I date someone because I'm serious about them and seeing where we could end up together.
So here I am, on the brink of getting into my second-ever relationship. How did I meet this young man? Well... online. And no, not through a blog because he or I was such an amazing writer. Through a dating site. I wouldn't call myself desperate, but I sat back and realized that I am out of college and diving into my career as an elementary teacher. From here on out, 98% of the people I meet will be younger than 12 or older than 45. Not exactly my ideal age range. Anyway, I met him online. We talked for several weeks first through e-mails. I was going through a lot of family drama and desperately needed someone to talk to, so he came into my life at a particularly wonderful time. I found his e-mails to be comforting and caring, sensitive to how I was feeling and encouraging through the tough spots. We also just talked about ourselves and each other, our hopes and dreams, our hobbies.
Eventually, we decided to go out. He took me out to sushi... yum. We watched a movie together. I don't think he touched me at all that first date. On the second date, we sat near each other on the couch during the movie, and when we talked afterwards I leaned against his shoulder. This was a far cry from one of the other guys I went out with who by the second date was dry humping me and not taking no for an answer. This date was different. His respect for me as a person and for my boundaries was heart warming, and though I knew anybody could put on a show and try to seem respectful by just waiting a few dates, I knew in my heart he was sincerely a great guy.
Now we've talked about everyone under the sun, and I'm starting to fall for him. I actually feel like this one might stick around. I'm afraid though. Is everyone afraid at the beginning? Afraid that he won't be who I hope he is, that he'll take whatever I give him in run, that he'll tire of me and my high standards and sexual boundaries, that we won't line up spiritually. Part of me... okay, a big part of me... wants to just throw caution to the wind and jump in, don't worry, don't look back, see where things can go. Part of me says things won't work out because they never do and I shouldn't get too excited.
As always, I choose to look forward with anticipation instead of backwards with fear or regret. Right now, I believe I'm dating a great guy that could make me really happy. Right now, I choose to accept that and accept him and willingly explore everything the future can hold for us. Right now, I will live in the moment.
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