Bloggerstock: What inspires you?

It is that time again. Time for Bloggerstock, the holidays, New Years, all kinds of crazy stuff. It is a fun, exciting and sometimes a stressful time. That being said, here I am taking over Mollie's blog for a guest post because you know that I need something else to think about at this time of year.

So, the theme for bloggerstock this month is:

“What inspires you?”

What or who inspires you to do whatever it is that you do be it blogging, writing, school or your job.

I thought that this topic would be easy to write about, but as I sat down to write I found it a lot more difficult. What inspires me to do what I do? Well that is a good question. I have always enjoyed what I do, I love working in the theatre. I think that one of my biggest inspirations is my father. Though not in theatre, I think that his being in a related field guided me to where I am today. I like to think that I make him (and my mother) proud by doing what I do.

I suppose it is also because of my father that I also peruse photography. Every day that I go out with my camera I think of my father. Most of the time I can hear him giving me pointers in my head. I think that he provides inspiration every time I hit the shutter release. Looking through the view finder I always think of what he tells me about framing and composition. Las summer we actually got to go on a photo workshop together which was really fun. Now, this weekend I am off to shoot portraits for a friend.

So, the biggest inspiration in my life has to be my family. They have always been there for me and I am there for them. I do my best every day to make them proud and I think that I do pretty good. I suppose that is the best thing to ask for at this time of year. To be able to have a family that supports you and to be able to make them proud is a great thought for the new year!

Well, that was an atypically short kinda ramble for me, but I think that it is to the point. If you are interested in more of my ramblings you can find them at icewolf08.com. If you are interested in bloggerstock, please visit the website. If you are looking for Mollie's post, you can find it over on Nugs' blog.

.... no more adventures please.

I didn't know when I wrote the title of that last post that I was condemning myself to more adventure than I bargained for. I went to Denver today to get my ball pythons. The seller informed me that it was supposed to snow heavily in the evening, so I got up early and had my new pair of tires put on the car and we left by 9:30am. It started snowing at 11am, but it was a pretty light snow so I wasn't too worried. It's been really warm so the snow just melted when it hit the ground. We got the boys, who are just lovely and I will put up pictures soon, and were on our way. It kept snowing, and the roads were a little slick, and the temperature dropped quite a bit so it was very cold out. Everyone was going 45mph on the interstate where a more typical speed is 80mph, so I thought we were being pretty safe. Plus I had new tires in the back and not-as-bald tires on the front so I of all people should be pretty safe right?

Well, I noticed the suburban right in front of me suddenly start veering to the left onto the shoulder [we were in the left lane of a three lane section] and quickly puzzled out in my head that the car in front of him must be slowing down suddenly. I hit my brakes, which thankfully are ABS so I didn't have to pump them, but could tell I wasn't going to slow down fast enough. If I went to the shoulder I'd hit the suburban. If I stayed straight I'd hit the car in front. If I went one lane over I'd hit that car, and there was a semi that was also in the center lane but there was enough room for me to slip by. I cross the center lane and tried to stay in the right lane, but had lost too much forward motion to regain control and was sliding sideways right towards the beginning of a guardrail. I pointed my tires in the direction I was headed which gained me enough control to go ahead and go all the way off the road, miss the guard rail, and slide into the ditch. There was some rocks to the right; big rocks like in a drainage area to prevent erosion. I tried to steer between the rocks and the big sign post (which is what the guardrail was guarding) but ended up clipping a boulder w/ my right front tire which popped it. We slid to a stop, facing the right way, not flipped over, and not so much as whiplash to ourselves. Whew!

A cop stopped by and told us where a nearby parking lot was to change my tire, which my buddy did for me because she's awesome and I'm not so much, and we drove to Discount Tire where we waited an hour and a half for them to give me two more new tires. We drove home, taking twice as long as normal because the roads were still bad. My alignment is off but she drives fine. So... yeah. I spent $600 on a new set of tires today, a five hour trip took eleven hours, my pythons were cool to the touch by the time I got them home and into a warm cage, and my friend and I are perfectly healthy and fine and home. Plus as I was asking if she was okay and apologizing for the little escapade, the first thing she said was "That was actually some really good driving". And my parents are all impressed at how I kept a cool head and didn't stress out through all of this. So, it's pretty nice to get compliments in the middle of a crazy day. Tomorrow... I'm hoping for more fun, less money spending, and less danger!

Adventure - ho!

Today:

- Call and reschedule Bagheera's vet appt. CHECK
- Have dad look at tires. CHECK - Verdict: replace front two tires
- Go replace front two tires.
- Go to my therapist appt.
- Doggie play date with blogger Kandace and her dog Trent (oneredwall.wordpress.com)
- Go to vet appt and get Bagheera's last puppy shots.
- Finish cleaning room.
- Coffee and games w/ DG and JL, guy friends from my group.
- Get house picked up so cleaning lady can come tomorrow. Get a check for her.
- Withdraw cash for snakes?
- Call principal to get letter of recommendation. Or e-mail. CHECK


Tomorrow:

- Go replace front tires if it didn't happen today.
- Drive to Denver to get ball pythons, to another city to get furries I was suckered into accepting, and back home. All day trip.
- Be back by 6:30 to do coffee and stuff w/ EG and AG, gal friends from my group.
- Completely re-arrange all my pets into their various new cages.
- Exercise and train Bagheera; every day!
- Do first steps of broken glass jello.
- Finish and turn in application for furniture store greeter. Woo.


Friday:

- Get a head count for my New Year's Eve party.
- Go shopping for said party.
- Make sure house is sparkling clean.
- Finish broken glass jello and prepare any other snacks.
- Give Bagheera a bath and grooming.
- Have people over around 7 and party until the new year comes.




Oh and I guess I'm supposed work out each day too since I haven't done that yet... which brings me to my new motto:


"Time is not found, it is made."

Ponder it. Live it. Peace.

Recipe to Make Mollie Happy

2 handfulls uncooked egg noodles
1 cup frozen peas
1 egg
Butter
Soy Sauce


Put some water in a wok, bring to boil. Add noodles and eggs. Boil for a few minutes, until noodles aren't really cooked yet but definitely not crunchy. Drain the water, add some butter. Crack the egg into the wok and stir around the mix. Add some soy sauce. Continue to stir until egg is fully cooked. Serve!

The Funk and How to Beat it

Ze funk, I has it. I broke things off with aforementioned nice guy. Not a thing wrong with him, just couldn't deny that he was not the one for me so I had to let him go. I've stayed up until at least 3am the past two nights because I'm having trouble sleeping. I barely got out of my chair all day yesterday. I feel sad, unmotivated, inept, helpless. I'm about to spend $40 trading my corn snake for two ball pythons, which is a financially smart move because as a rule balls sell for $50+ easily a piece, but I'm still spending money without a job. I'm barely eating and when I do it's stupid food choices like chips, boxed macaroni and cheese, or breadsticks.

Considering that I'm eating junk food, drinking lots of soda, haven't taken my happy pills consistently in a long time, haven't had a good sleep schedule, stopped working out... well, those are all choices I have made that are not helping me out. I could blame it on the fact that my parents aren't living together, that I can't find a job, that I haven't been able to move out like I want, that the holidays are stressful... but life isn't about making our circumstances conform to our whim. It's about taking what we're dealt and making good choices that make us healthy and happy, build up relationships, bring us closer to God, and set ourselves up for success. I've not been doing a good job of that right now. Some choices I made are really good. But I need to do better.

Lets end the year 2010 with a week of taking really awesome care of ourselves. We all have reasons that we don't take care of ourselves... for just one week let's risk it, yeah? If all our excuses were valid, well then this week will prove it. But maybe, just maybe, our excuses are just excuses and our lives would be 300% better if we just took better care of ourselves. Ya think?

So instead of a New Year's Resolution, I'm making an End of Year Resolution. A year is too long to plan... but five days I can handle! So here's the plan.

- Work out three times
- Get some outdoor time every day
- Buy a ledger or something that helps me budget and write everything down
- Keep applying for jobs until I find a good one
- Take my happy pills every day
- Go see the therapist on Wednesday and do everything she recommends
- Stay connected with friends, and not just my online ones [though I love you all very much]
- Eat healthy food three times a day
- Drink lots of water, maximum of one soda a day!


Alright. I'm off to go do positive things in my life. Toodles!

Christmas Time is Here

"Happiness and cheer..." I get a kick out of how dreary that song sounds while the lyrics are so chipper.

Right now I'm reducing a glaze for the ham I'm going to bake and I'm about to finish up the jello. I have to wrap a couple of presents to bring tonight as we always go to Grandparents' house for a gift exchange on Christmas Eve. I also need to decide what to wear; I don't think I have anything festive and I'm considering wearing my new mustard yellow sweater. It makes me feel trendy and daring for some reason.

I just wanted to say that I wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and I look forward to all of your blog posts about how your holidays were. (-: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good... day!

Broken Glass, Soloist, Puppies, and Jobs...

Well, I didn't get that job I wanted. And I won't know about any of the others until next week or so. Which means I really can't be moving out next week now can I? I really hope to when i can though. If things look promising I'm going to ask the kind folks to hold the property for me; offer them half rent or something, until I'm all set. I'm applying at a furniture store as a door greeter and I'm going to check out restaurants. Ugh. :( I already checked all the restaurants that are classy and I would get good tips from... now I can try those which will bring in very few tips... then I'll go to no tips. And fast food. Crumbdiddlyumptious. Yes that is a real word and yes I do say it.

Here's a bright spot: Look at how cute my doggies are when they choose to share a space!

He's getting so big. I got him at 6 wks and he was shorter than Samantha. Now he is pushing 4 months, weighs three times as much as he did originally, and Sam could walk right under him if she ducked her head a little. They get along pretty well considering he's a rambunctious lab puppy and she's an old reserved papillon.

I'm watching The Soloist right now. I've seen it once before and I really enjoy it. It's about a man that once played the cello at Juliard but was overcome by paranoid schizophrenia and "bombed out of there". He is now homeless and living on the streets and he played a violin with only two strings until the reporter Steve Lopez discovered him. He writes about Nathaniel the musician in the newspaper and a cello is donated to him. From that point on both men embark on a journey of self-discovery, trying to make sense of the world, triumph and pitfalls. It is truly an excellent story and I highly recommend the movie to anyone. Nathaniel's character is so multi-faceted, unpredictable, and endearing that you will be captivated throughout the entire show.

Last of all, I am making broken glass jello for Christmas!I actually found this recipe many moons ago, and separately found the blog of The Food Librarian and only later realized that she is the one who I got the original recipe from. Does that make sense? Perhaps, perhaps not. Regardless, you need to check out her post and you'll see what I'm up to! For tomorrow I'm making the Christmas version; for New Year's Eve next week I'll make the multi-colored one. I've done this once before and my one problem was that I didn't wait for the white jello to cool enough before pouring it over the colored pieces and it melted them a bit. :( Whoopsie! This time I know better, now don't I? As a side not, do check out Food Librarian's latest post; I really want to make those clear gelatins with fruit in them. Gorgeous!!



I've really enjoyed getting to know people on 20sb.net and would like to give a general shoutout to anyone who has chatted with me, written on my wall, read my blog, or commented on it. I'm so encouraged to blog when I know that someone actually cares a teensy bit! Haha. I just added Google reader and will now be keeping up with all the blogs I'm subscribed to. I may not always comment but I will be reading because I'm interested in all of you!

"And so it goes..."

Every time I post partial song lyrics in my title, the first person to correctly identify the song will get a shout out in the following post. This one should be easy.

Well, life is interesting right now. I have a maybe on an intense housecleaning job that would run $180/wk, and I'm interviewing next week for a nanny job that would bring in $175/wk.I also had a hit from a lady that wants a babysitter which would bring in maybe $75/wk. And every other week I get $30 for housecleaning.

If every single one of those pulled through, I could be rolling with about $1,750/mo. If all of them fall through I get $60/mo. Should all shuffle down during/after the holidays so I have my fingers crossed in the next two weeks. I'm also applying for more jobs tomorrow, and I'm STILL trying to get my subbing to go through. I'm not sure if I'm more afraid that I will overbook myself, or that I'll not be aggressive enough because I don't want to overbook and will end up with nothing.


I found a house I think I want to rent. It's $600/mo and all utilities are included. It is also furnished. It's a 1 bed, 1 [full] bath, shoebox of a house. Actually if I get it I think I will make a shoebox model of it for fun. It has a living area, a somewhat narrow but not too bad kitchen, a pretty small bedroom, a utility room w/ washer and drier and another closet, and then a full bath with shower/tub and lots of nice counterspace. It's furnished with an L-shaped couch which consists of two armchairs that kick back, the corner piece, and a loveseat w/ a pullout bed, a cute little table for two in the kitchen w/ chairs, a two person bar with stools by the front window, a full/double size bed, some dishes/silverware/glasses, and all the major utilities such as washer/drier, fridge, microwave, oven, all that jazz. If I wanted to, I could just put my clothes in a bag and move in.

Of course part of the problem is that I have more than clothes to move in. I have a dresser and I'd love to find room for my desk and I have an electric keyboard.... it's not a huge house. But it's much bigger than a dorm room, and I survived that for three years, so how bad can it be?

... right?

Lights, Camera...

Action!

I had the privilege of participating in a blogswap this year, through 20 Something Bloggers {20sb.net}. I am so excited to be swapping blogs with the lovely Amber, who can be found at http://www.amberlashell.com/ . Below you will find a great post she wrote, and if you hop on over to her website you will find the post I wrote for her blog! Enjoy hearing from someone else, and when you check out my post be sure to browse around her blog for a bit. (-:


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First I want to thank Mollie for letting me crash her blog for 20sb. Our topic was Action. What will you do next year that you have been putting off for too long...

This was a hard one; I had to take a few days to really think about this one. I am the kind of person that lives with no regret, and I always live life to the fullest. Now, given that, I am also the worst procrastinator; I tend to put things off until the last moment. Last year, though, I tried not to put things off as bad as I have in the past and actually managed to get quite a bit of things done that I had wanted to.

I joined a gym, and have been going at least 3 times a week for the past few months (check t hat one off)

I gave up drinking Dr. Pepper a few months ago too, and that was a really hard one. They were making me feel sluggish and bloated, and I knew that they were no good to me, but they were like my own personal form of crack, I was letting them take over my life. Even though the first week was one of the hardest weeks of my life, I managed to walk away cold turkey, and haven't touched one since (it's been a couple of months now) and I think I will make me a badge with "so many days" sober.. It might start a few interesting conversations.

I wrote my first novel... I joined a really fun website called NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where you write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November, and I actually won!

I got a promotion at work, and managed not to kill anyone for almost an entire year so far! (Ok I wouldn't kill anyone literally, but if you work in an office, you know what I mean)

So, what have I been putting off that I need to get done?

Sending (stated above) novel off to potential agents. I am terrified of rejection, and rejection is just always expected in the world of publishing. I am scared that what I have written will not be good enough, or that I am just a crappy writer...

Once again, thank you Mollie for letting me crash your blog, it has been so much fun, and maybe we can swap again in the future

Until Next Time...Kisses!

Deja Vu

They separated five years ago, and now it's happening all over again. I'm living back at home, dealing with parents who don't get along. Almost feels like the past five years never even happened.


"Just because they haven't changed doesn't mean you haven't."








Thank you, Lord, for sending me such precious words of encouragement right when I need to hear them most.

And thank you for putting a solid man in my life who is willing to be a pillar of strength for me and nothing more until life settles down enough for me to think clearly again. <3

Before and After

Dear blogger community,

I am doing a little experiment about before and after shots, to see how good the general public is at evaluating weight loss based on photos. Please note that this photo set has nothing to do with my recent venture into the world of Jillian Michael workouts, so don't try to figure out how long I've been on the program to help you out. This is not related!

All you need to do is take a peek at the before and after photos below and comment with your best guess at how many pounds were lost. This is not the most dramatic set you'll ever see; I may post later a model with an even greater change. Just give you best guess! Like I said this is an experiment to see how good everyone is at estimating weight from photos. If you want to take a guess at the model's weight, either before or after, you are welcome to but that is not the most important part.

Without further ado, here we have a before shot:

and an after shot:

Do your best, good luck! I will write a personal poem for the closest guess.

SCREEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEECH

Pretty sure the world stopped turning. I'm subbing for my mom at her office job and nothing has happened for two hours. Haven't heard my boss so much as roll his swivel chair across the floor. No telephone calls. No one coming in. It is so. Quiet. I do believe the world has ceased to spin.

On the positive side, I lost two pounds! I'm also so sore in my legs I walk with a limp. Haha.

I'm off to Wal-Mar or Big 5 to get a heart rate monitor and resistance bands that go over a door, so I can be super awesome and to celebrate my loss. Which sounds funny but whatever.


This is a shout out to my 20sb's that have been keeping me company... y'all are awesome. I are heart you.

Ever-Elusive: Fitness

I'm fed up with the weight I've gained since I was at my slimmest, 18 months ago. Since then I've gained 35 lbs. Yes, in a year and a half! A combination of bad food, low exercise levels, high stress levels, poor sleeping habits, and side effects of anti-depressants all worked together to put me at my current heaviest weight. I still think I'm attractive and beautiful. But I would much rather be considerably healthier, and three sizes smaller.

With the help of my new fitness plan, I want to be at my target weight and size by graduation. I have 20 solid weeks to get there. I've never really stuck to a fitness program before; I've done a couple of diets [not very many] and I try to get out for walks or bike rides or do a little yoga. But I really want to know what I could achieve if I really really tried. You know? And then, once I'm at my target, I can choose whether or not it's worth it to keep it up. But I need to know what I could be, and do.


20 Weeks!

Numa Numa!

To counter the potential negative vibes of this post, I would like to start with the following awesome video.



If you haven't watched it, stop reading and go watch it.

If you didn't smile you may be dead.


Alright. My life is semi-crazy right now, yet at the same time I'm frustrated because not enough is happening. Figure that one out... I guess maybe I'm tired of the craziness of this particular phase of life and want to move on to the next, supposedly calmer phase? Right now I'm trying to get (a) job(s). Substitute teaching will be one, but it's possible that I won't have that licensure until another three months! So in the mean time, I need lots of something. Called like twelve classy restaurants, applied to half a dozen places online. Scored an interview for an occasional babysitting job and one for a housekeeping job.  Between the two, maybe... $75/mo? :-P Ideally I'd like to move out soon, so I'm going to need a bit more than that.

So, the other thing I've been doing is checking out potential housing. Seems fairly cheap, until you add utilities. And take out taxes from your paycheck. And my friend tells me you should get renter's insurance? Oh and several hundred $$$ to take the dogs with me. And a deposit! So. Yeah. If any of you rent, how easy or difficult have you found it to be, to make ends meet?


I'm  having drama problems with the guy I've been dating. :( His ex talked to someone that talked to an adult friend of mine who I'm very close to, and basically these people weren't very fond of him. Well, we all know his ex not very reliable. I personally would not want any of my guy friends involved with her. So, I don't trust her word. Plus she's his ex!! However, I guess these were concerns raised during the actual relationship, and they were anger related. Coming from a home where that has sometimes been an issue, I'm freaked out about possibly getting into a bad relationship. Once you're in, it's harder to see what's really going on, and it's hard to get back out. Do I think he'd hurt me? No. Do I think it could be an unhealthy relationship? ... I don't know? The things I've seen don't indicate that. But the two things I have to go off of are my own observations over like three weeks, and the word of his scoundrel of an ex, passed through two more people. Yet, the sorts of things they said.. if I knew they were true, I wouldn't even consider this relationship. So I feel super conflicted. Don't know what to think, you know?

I like a lot of things about him and we click really well. So.... for now I think my plan is to get to know him better, keep it pretty casual, let time work its magic.


I hate gossip.

You make me smile like the sun

I found out yesterday that my four-month old lab puppy is actually a three and a half month old lab puppy. Two week is not a huge deal, but that does mean that when he came into my life he was at the very oldest, six weeks old. No wonder he was a sad, scared little insecure puppy! Definitely not ready to leave his mama yet.

Now he is fourteen weeks, twenty-five pounds, taller than our sheltie, and 100% handsome. He learned to sit on command at seven weeks, was housetrained (... mostly! really!) by eleven or twelve weeks, and knows several commands. He can sit, come, wait (including when you feed him; he'll sit and wait until you tell him "okay"), get in his kennel, go outside, go somewhere else if he's begging and I say "go", leave the room with "get out of here", and "eat nice" instead of taking off your whole hand when given a treat. He also walks well on a leash, tolerates grooming, and and settle down if you're trying to hold him and he's wiggling. I still feel like he need to work on his manners... but I guess if he's not even four weeks old yet he's making good progress.

I have big plans for this handsome bundle of trouble! This week we're going to work on obedience [sit, down, come, stay] and "clean up", which will mean to get his toys from wherever he scattered them and put them in the toy basket. He has a bad habit of taking his toys outside and leaving them there, so we're going to try to remedy that. :) Some day I want to do agility and obedience competitions, companion dog certifications, therapy dog licensure... haha. He is mostly lab, with the obedient and eager to please personality that goes along with that.

Have any of you taught your dog tricks? What was the neatest trick you've ever seen a dog do, or wanted to train a dog to do?

Poke 'em in the eyes and say "No"!

Has anyone reading this ever tried online dating? I've been doing it for about six months now. I've met some genuinely nice guys. I've also met a few crazies, as I like to call them. Now, I'm not an unkind person. I don't break hearts (on purpose), I'm not rude (right away), and I'm not sarcastic (okay, no modifier can fix that one; it's just not true). Point is, if I'm not interested in a guy, I always start off with polite hints. If he pushes the issue... well that's his own fault, isn't it?


Here are a few of the ways I've said 'no' to would-be suitors.


*~Over-zealous hardcore Christian who responded to everything I shared about myself with a passage or concept from the Bible that indicated I was somehow a bad person: 
"I'm sorry, I think you're going to have to find someone else to water your camels."


*~41 yr. old man whose first message to me was "Can i take you out": 
Nope.


*~Different 41 yr. old man, his posts in italics:
"Hi, I love your profile... I think we have a LOT in common :) Why don't you view my profile and write!!
I'll look forward to hearing from you soon!"

- Alas, if only we had the same decade in common!

"Mollie... I like that name :) Just write! I'm a fun guy and love the outdoors... don't let years stand in our way... you never know how many we got!! Seriously, just write and lets talk :)"

- As long as we're talking about how many years we have left...

Life expectancy for men = 5 yrs less than for women.

41-22 = 19

19+5 = 24 yrs that statistically speaking I am likely to live
longer than you.



Not trying to make you feel old. Just saying, comparatively, I'd
rather find someone quite a bit closer to my age. In my opinion,
you should too. What's wrong with women your age, that you hit on
girls half your age?

*~ Guy who was 38 yrs old:
You do realize that I am 58% your age, right?

Yes, the old ones are the easiest to pick on, but also the ones who need it the most. They won't go away unless I'm hard core with them. There was one guy, though, who was my age and still wouldn't take a hint. At all. I hinted, I told, I practically begged, and he kept IMing me. Now, of course I could block him. But is that fun? No. Is it satisfying? Not really. Was my solution mature, righteous, or admirable? .... probably no. But! It made for a great story.


I knew from previous conversations that some of my biggest selling points with this guy was that I was a virgin and that I was an honest sort of person. I also knew he was homeschooled, and as a former homeschooler I knew which buttons to push. :wink: Lets just say by the end of the conversation I had him convinced that I was actually a druggie prostitute, who was not a virgin but had a thing for virgins which is definitely different, I'm a compulsive liar, and I couldn't even count the number of guys I'd slept with. 


Hey, the guy wouldn't leave me alone. Don't judge!

Of Relationships and Complications

I'm at that interesting place right now where I've been seeing someone for a couple of weeks. We are not "official", but I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend once I get back in state later this week. I think I will say yes.


I haven't been in a relationship for a year, and that relationship was my first one. Only one boyfriend, at 22? Yes, true story. You see, I'm a little bit picky. I didn't start dating until I was in college because until then I didn't feel ready. In high school, no one even knows who they are, much less what sort of person they would be happy with. And I don't date people because it's fun or feels good at the moment, I date someone because I'm serious about them and seeing where we could end up together.


So here I am, on the brink of getting into my second-ever relationship. How did I meet this young man? Well... online. And no, not through a blog because he or I was such an amazing writer. Through a dating site. I wouldn't call myself desperate, but I sat back and realized that I am out of college and diving into my career as an elementary teacher. From here on out, 98% of the people I meet will be younger than 12 or older than 45. Not exactly my ideal age range. Anyway, I met him online. We talked for several weeks first through e-mails. I was going through a lot of family drama and desperately needed someone to talk to, so he came into my life at a particularly wonderful time. I found his e-mails to be comforting and caring, sensitive to how I was feeling and encouraging through the tough spots. We also just talked about ourselves and each other, our hopes and dreams, our hobbies.

Eventually, we decided to go out. He took me out to sushi... yum. We watched a movie together. I don't think he touched me at all that first date. On the second date, we sat near each other on the couch during the movie, and when we talked afterwards I leaned against his shoulder. This was a far cry from one of the other guys I went out with who by the second date was dry humping me and not taking no for an answer. This date was different. His respect for me as a person and for my boundaries was heart warming, and though I knew anybody could put on a show and try to seem respectful by just waiting a few dates, I knew in my heart he was sincerely a great guy.


Now we've talked about everyone under the sun, and I'm starting to fall for him. I actually feel like this one might stick around. I'm afraid though. Is everyone afraid at the beginning? Afraid that he won't be who I hope he is, that he'll take whatever I give him in run, that he'll tire of me and my high standards and sexual boundaries, that we won't line up spiritually. Part of me... okay, a big part of me... wants to just throw caution to the wind and jump in, don't worry, don't look back, see where things can go. Part of me says things won't work out because they never do and I shouldn't get too excited.


As always, I choose to look forward with anticipation instead of backwards with fear or regret. Right now, I believe I'm dating a great guy that could make me really happy. Right now, I choose to accept that and accept him and willingly explore everything the future can hold for us. Right now, I will live in the moment.

Merry Christmas to Me

I suppose it's the ultimate skew of the true meaning of Christmas; buying a gift for yourself. Ah well, I'm still thrilled with my new Kindle 3G [3rd generation]. (-: It came today, right on schedule for the overnight delivery. Should I have paid an extra $20 for overnight delivery? Well, probably not. But I got a $30 break by signing up for the Amazon Visa card, so it averages out to a $10 savings still!

I already read Beauty and the Beast. Did you know Beauty had two sisters and three brothers? If I wrote the story I would have left out the brothers, because they played a very insignificant role and were barely in the story. Maybe it's my theatre background that causes me to shy away from unimportant characters; sometimes the only thing worse than not being cast is being cast for a needless role. However, much of the story was similar to the Disney re-make and I enjoyed it just as much. Right now I'm working on "The Lilac Fairy Book", which is apparently part of a collection of twelve fairy tales that someone collected. No actual fairies so far, but that's okay.

I'm going through and downloading all of the free books I'd found and added. Something like 38 of them, from classic novels to philosophy and even a new book that happened to be free. I'm excited at how easy I imagine it will be to get lots of reading done, if I can just pick it up for a few minutes at a time so easily. Of course, it's also great for long periods of reading, like I hope to get in next week while I'm out of state.

One nice thing about the Kindle is that you can add mp3s. Granted there isn't much of an mp3 player; you can pause or skip songs and that's it. It doesn't even tell you what song you're on. However, it's still kind of a nice addition.

What is one book you've always wanted to read but never gotten around to?

One {messed} up seduction...

This planet is pretty much broken beyond all repair
But one thing is working if you're standing there
Perfect for you, I could be perfect for you

Money, money, money...

... it must be funny, in a rich man's world.


I was planning on substitute teaching this spring as my major form of income until I can get a real career after graduation. However, it supposedly takes about 10-12 weeks to process my application, which I haven't quite finished yet. That puts me at the beginning of Feb! I can live without income until then, but I would rather be adding to my savings not just taking out of it. So, I will definitely be searching for a job between now and then.

What are some of the in-between jobs you have had in your lifetime?

Kindle, Kindling, Kindlicious

I will soon be ordering a Kindle 3G + Wi-Fi (Third edition; latest model) and I am so excited. The thought of having so many books with me all the time just waiting for me to have a few seconds to look through their pages... ah, I can't wait. I already have a "stack" of free e-books waiting to be downloaded. Philosophy, novels, poetry, fairy tales, classics. There are so many free books, and of course many others for low costs. The Kindle can even play music; I can't wait to listen to the Jekyll and Hyde soundtrack while reading the novel!

The third generation Kindle uses Pearl e-ink, which has much better contrast than the original technology. More contrast means even less eye strain on an already gentle screen. The e-ink screen means the text can be viewed from any angle and under direct sunlight, just like a book page. Also like a book page, it requires a reading lamp under low-light conditions. I, for one, would much rather read something that is similar to a book and have to use a lamp than be looking at some variation of a computer screen. We get enough computer screens in our everyday lives; I can't wait to be able to give myself a break yet keep the convenience of technology.

Between wi-fi and the 3G network, I will be able to use my Kindle's limited internet capabilities to do simple tasks anywhere at any time. It will not replace a laptop; I already have one of those! But when I need to know the showtimes for a movie, want to read the online newspaper for the day, or just have to know who that actor is in the movie I saw, this little beauty will come in handy. I've already experimented a little bit with my mom's Kindle and I think I will really be able to use this feature.


Does anyone else out there have an e-reader? Comment with your thoughts on e-readers, Kindle vs. Nook, Black Friday deals, or anything else on the topic!

Empowerment, delusions, and hot wax.

It's an odd feeling, those moments when you feel as if you are in control of your life. Perhaps you just ran a mile in record time, or you landed that job you wanted so badly, or you lined up a date with the cutest co-worker in the building. Perhaps, if you're a nerd like me, you just downloaded a few mp3 albums from Amazon using Pymazon instead of the Amazon mp3 Downloader. ...I know, thrilling, right?

Something about accomplishing a goal that we've had to really work at makes us feel invincible, I suppose. There was an obstacle in our way, we thought about giving up, but instead we pushed forward and really overcame. It's empowering. Surely if we can conquer that mountain, there is nothing that can stand in our way!

I don't know about the rest of the world, but for me that feeling of invincibility is a little bit dangerous. I may be excelling in my career or personal relationships, but that does not mean all other areas of my life are going well. Yes, I can hack a system into letting me do things my own way. NO, I cannot spend money indiscriminately and magically come out ahead. Yes, I solved a conflict between two second graders at work. NO, I cannot fix my family and everything that is broken. Do you see? When I feel powerful in one area, I can make the mistake of thinking I am just as capable in all aspects of my life. And the hard truth is, I'm just not that good. I have weaknesses, just as many as I have strengths, and I need to be real with myself about that. Ideally, I  need to find ways to look my faults in the eye and find a way to improve on them. Unfortunately, it's much easier to coast by on a "success high" and ignore those miserable little parts of my life until they rear up and bite me.



Here's to being human. Here's to incredible success, heartbreaking failure, and all the muddy times inbetween. Let your triumphs put enough wind under your wings to help you soar over the turbulence, but don't fly so close to the sun that your insufficient waxed wings melt away and leave you tumbling back to where you started. Somehow we must learn to find a realistic view of ourselves but in the most positive light that we can muster, focusing on our strengths to get us through and not letting our weaknesses drag us down.